LE CIDRE: adaptation libre du Cid de Corneille avec Jose Bove dans le rôle de Rodrigue

 

 

 

En l'an de grâce 2012 Armand Clodobert, propriétaire exploitant bio au Menil-Armand découvre que ses barriques de cidre ont pris un goût infect ce qui même avec une dose maximale de mansuétude consentie par le consommateur les rend invendables.

Son sang ne fait qu'un tour: selon toute probabilité , ses pommiers ont été contaminés par des cultures OGM. Renseignements pris grâce au téléphone normand on a repéré dans la commune voisine de Chamrepus un champ de tournesols transgéniques

Armand Clodobert se rend auprès de Don Quichiotte de la Manche, comte de Villedieu les Poeles qui décide de mener une expédition punitive et exterminatrice

C'est un noble chevalier du comté, Don Bovigue qui sera chargé de mener la troupe

La mission est dangereuse et il faut la plus méticuleuse des préparations. Heureusement Dom Testardo, médecin du comte va préparer une potion magique qui sera distribuée aux combattants : elle se compose d'un litre de liquide , composé à 97 % de calva local à 60° , de gibolin à hauteur de 2% et pour le reste d'un extrait de bio-fertil fabriqué par Dom Testardo mais dont il garde le secret.

Chacun passe tour à tour avec sa bouteille que remplit le grand sorcier médecin guérisseur à l'aide d'une louche et d'un entonnoir,

 

Don Bovigue mène à bien sa mission et vient en rendre compte à Dom Quichiotte

 

Sous moi donc cette troupe s'avance

Et porte sur le front une mâle assurance

Nous partîmes deux cents mais le calva aidant

Nous nous vîmes quatre cents en arrivant au champ

Tant à nous voir rouler en prenant les virages

Les moins alcoolisés tombaient dans le cirage

Aussitôt qu' arrivés je cache les moins vaillants

Dans le fond des fossés qui entourent le champ

Le reste , encore capable de boire à la bouteille

Je charge immédiatement d'organiser la veille

La lumière de l'aube aidant notre réveil

Nous surprendrons l'ennemi encore en plein sommeil

Je vois déjà ces têtes tout en haut de la tige

Ces visages grimaçants que la lumière fige

Tout à l'heure il faudra toute peur réfrénée

Ces créatures du Diable sans crainte attaquer

Elles sont la , ces perverses créatures sataniques

Qui vont dans quelques heures connaître la panique

L'attaque se prépare sur un signe de ma main

Les faux et les faucilles trancheront leur destin

Or voici que du Diable Vauvert apparu

Surgit une créature, certes pas le Dahut

Non mais un sale clébard , une sorte de Cerbère

Un caniche sorti du fin fond de l'enfer

Car l'ignoble croquant non content de semer

Le tournesol du diable se permet d'élever

Ce genre de créature agressive et bruyante

Qui au sein de ma troupe va semer la tremblante

Mon sang ne fait qu'un tour et ma colère éclate

De ma faux aiguisée je coupe ses quatre pattes

Le voici maintenant en phoque dégoulinant

Sur la banquise fondante qui git perdant son sang

Cerbere est presque mort mais son maître surgit

Je donne alors l'alerte et très vite il est pris

Dix de nos compagnons maîtrisent le gaillard

Et de leurs bras puissants ils le jettent dans la mare

Je dois prendre sur moi d'empêcher qu'ils le noient

Je sais , par expérience être au dessus des lois

Mais mon humanité magnanime et profonde

Empêche qu'à l'homicide parfois je succombe

J'ordonne à mes troupes qu'on attaque l'ennemi

Dont le premier des rangs est déjà au tapis

De ma faux , sans trembler par quatre je les abats

Mes hommes tentent tous d'imiter mes exploits

Chacun y va gaiement à grand coup de faucilles

Devant nos hurlement nos ennemis vacillent

Dans le camp ennemi se répand la terreur

Au fur et à mesure qu'augmente la fureur

De vos vaillants guerriers en quête d'une victoire

Qui inscrira sans doute leurs noms dans l'Histoire

Nous laissons derrière nous comme un tapis de Maures

Nous coupons , nous tuons et encore et encore

Je regarde le fond du champ qui est bien loin

Face à tant d'ennemis est il sur et certain

Que nous puissions vraiment gagner cette bataille

Voici que maintenant la crainte nous tenaille

Voici que dans nos rangs viennent les premières pertes

Un qui avec sa serpe les veines s'est ouvertes

L'autre qui de sa faucille l'œil gauche s'est crevé

Et on ne compte pas les mollets entaillés

La hargne des compagnons se fait bien moins puissante

Ils trouvent dans les tiges une résistance croissante

Nombre d'entre eux s'épuisent et tombent affalés

C'est aux travaux d'Hercule qu'ils se sont confrontés

Oui mais à tout le moins la victoire il faut prendre

Je somme d'une voix forte l'ennemi de se rendre

L'absence de réponse me fait considérer

Qu'à mon ultimatum ils ont du acquiécer

Avec les bouteilles vides nous quittâmes le champ

Et le combat cessa faute de carburant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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82. Pearlcag (site web) 07/08/2017

Yesterday i got some amazing info about Omega 3 stuff and now i really wanna get it. But i'm not 100% sure which benefits will i have. I've found this omega 3 info , and currently i wanna get it with good price. Any idea?

83. Carolynsaund 07/08/2017

Absolutely NEW update of SEO/SMM software "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil 3.0":
captcha solving of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another categories of captcha,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM software: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other software.

Interested? There are a lot of introducing videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
See you later!


XRumer201708

84. Carolynsaund 06/08/2017

Absolutely NEW update of SEO/SMM software "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil":
captchas regignizing of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another size-types of captcha,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM software: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other programms.

Interested? There are a lot of demo videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
Good luck!


XRumer201708

85. Carolynsaund 06/08/2017

Revolutional update of SEO/SMM package "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil 3.0":
captchas recognition of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another size-types of captcha,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM programms: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other software.

Interested? You can find a lot of impessive videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
See you later!


XRumer201708

86. Pearlcag (site web) 06/08/2017

Day ago i read some shocking info about Omega 3 foods and now i very wanna get it. But i'm not 100% sure which benefits will i have. I've found this omega 3 info , and now i wanna buy it with best price. Any idea?

87. Carolynsaund 06/08/2017

Revolutional update of SEO/SMM package "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil":
captcha solution of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another subtypes of captchas,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM programms: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other software.

Interested? There are a lot of introducing videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
See you later ;)


XRumer201708

88. Carolynsaund 05/08/2017

Absolutely NEW update of SEO/SMM package "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil":
captcha breaking of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another types of captchas,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM software: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other programms.

Interested? You can find a lot of demo videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
See you later!


XRumer201708

89. Carolynsaund 05/08/2017

Absolutely NEW update of SEO/SMM package "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil":
captcha solution of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another subtypes of captcha,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM programms: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other programms.

Interested? You can find a lot of introducing videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
Good luck!


XRumer201708

90. Carolynsaund 04/08/2017

Revolutional update of SEO/SMM software "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil":
captcha solving of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another categories of captcha,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM software: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other programms.

Interested? You can find a lot of introducing videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
Good luck ;)


XRumer201708

91. Carolynsaund 04/08/2017

Revolutional update of SEO/SMM software "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil 3.0":
captcha recognition of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another size-types of captchas,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM programms: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other programms.

Interested? There are a lot of impessive videos about XEvil in YouTube.
You read it - then IT WORKS!
See you later!


XRumer201708

92. SandyEscow (site web) 03/08/2017

городской скетчинг

93. SUJohnafes (site web) 02/08/2017

как похудеть к лету http://диетоника.товар-топ.рф

94. Pearlcag (site web) 02/08/2017

Day ago i read some interesting info about Omega 3 stuff and now i really wanna get it. But i'm not really sure which pluses will i have. I've got this omega 3 info , and currently i want to get it with best price. Any idea?

95. Pearlcag (site web) 01/08/2017

Day ago i got some amazing info about Omega 3 foods and now i really wanna get it. But i'm not 100% sure which pluses will i have. I've found this omega 3 info , and currently i wanna purchase it with good price. Any idea?

96. Flossielut 26/07/2017

Absolutely NEW update of SEO/SMM package "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil 3.0":
captchas solution of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another subtypes of captcha,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM programms: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other programms.

Interested? There are a lot of introducing videos about XEvil in YouTube.
See you later!


XRumer20170725

97. Arlenedable 22/07/2017

Absolutely NEW update of SEO/SMM package "XRumer 16.0 + XEvil":
captcha breaking of Google, Facebook, Bing, Hotmail, SolveMedia, Yandex,
and more than 8400 another subtypes of captchas,
with highest precision (80..100%) and highest speed (100 img per second).
You can connect XEvil 3.0 to all most popular SEO/SMM programms: XRumer, GSA SER, ZennoPoster, Srapebox, Senuke, and more than 100 of other software.

Interested? You can find a lot of impessive videos about XEvil in YouTube.
Good luck ;)


XRumer20170721